*photo for illustrative purposes only
Dear The Real Singapore,
I hope your readers can give me some advice on this.
My boyfriend stalks girls on the internet!
My boyfriend created a second Facebook account (fake profile) which he uses very frequently to stalk, look at photos and gather information on girls (mainly) he came across in his life.
Every girl's name he hears, he returns home and searches it up on Facebook, hoping to find out more and secretly wishing they would upload more pictures of themselves. The girls were his ex classmates, schoolmates-girls from the school, church and even from the shopping mall. All of them share something in common -- they do not know him personally.
I have no idea if he used the fake account to have conversations or to add them.
He admitted to going to their profiles repeatedly because he was bored. That's not an excuse at all! If you are curious, you click on the profile once, that's it and it stops.
He even confessed to me that he has friends on his real Facebook account so that he can go through his friends' friends list.
A few years back, I found out he has been going through my own friends' lists because he wants to find out about my female friends I was telling him about. He said he was curious as to how they look like.
I asked him if he has a crush on any of those girls he looks up repeatedly or has taken a fancy to any of them, but he said no and that I was the only one for him.
If I was the only one for him, why does he see the need to have a secret life and another Facebook account, only to have me find out about it?
This is disrespectful to me and could possibly be an onset of cheating. If I was the only girl in his eyes, he wouldn't have lied so many times about not having this obsession of searching up every girl's name he knows of and having a second account.
He tells me he likes me not having make-up on, that I look the prettiest when I'm being myself, natural beauty, barefaced.
Why does he want to look at other girls (plastered with thick make up) on the internet then? Does he really think that the grass is greener on the other side?
I never mentioned that his life has to be revolved around me. He is free to engage in anything under the sun as long as it is meaningful and he takes pride in doing so.
The spare time he has in his hands can be better utilised. Say working out, hanging out with his buddies, or even reading.
How does looking at 2D images of girls matter more than how his girlfriend feels? By staring at the computer screen all day long and clicking on photo after photo, he is not going anywhere.
Is this ever going to stop? When he is in his 40s, is he gonna look up the same girls and find out about the number of children they have, the husbands they have married and so on?
In reality, the girls do not even know of his existence and are not the ones who are there for him when he needs someone.
How is it enjoyable looking at photos of people whom you don't care about? It's mind boggling!
What hurts me the most was that we are in a relationship for four and a half years (we were each others' firsts) and we've known each other for more than six years.
Has it not crossed his mind that if I never existed, he wouldn't be the same him today? I saw him through his national service days. Can the memories that we shared and what we went through be replaced instantaneously once he logs onto the internet? If he had a choice, would he pick those girls he looked up for, over me to be his girlfriend?
This is not the first time I found out about his online activities.
How would you feel if you were talking to your boyfriend over the phone, and all this time, his eyes were glued to his computer screen and clicking on photo after photo (multi-tasking)?
When I found out about his deceit, I didn't know how to feel.
We've come so far, would breaking up be the solution?
We don't have other serious problems in our relationship, say our personalities are mismatched or we have a language barrier that we can't get past.
If he sincerely mends his ways, everything would work out.
Trust is like a mirror, once it's broken, it's never the same again.
All I can ask for is his support in my recovery process. I really hope I can trust him with all my heart one day.
Worried TRS reader